Growing up: Part 4.

Ah yes the wonderful, terrible, exciting but scary teenage years.  Where to start?  Obedience or rebellion?  Following orders, or making my own along the way?  I guess it would be easier to point out that I was a teenager when my dad died.  So, I will start with the years before he died first.

Normal teenager.  Scared of my dad.  Afraid of getting into trouble.  Often tried to talk my way out of trouble.  Get yelled at for being so smart.  Well sound familiar?  Rough years.  I rode the fence and struggled with who I was most of these years.  Even after my dad passed I still remained clueless.

I went to church, Boy Scouts, hung out with my friends and started to like girls!!!  I also discovered some things about girls that could have waited.  No experience, just the common or grossly common phrases and imaginations that teenage hormone raged boys have and share with other boys.  I wanted to know more.  My mind was now constantly on girls and their bodies.  I was so afraid of thinking anything or even saying I like a girl.  I pretty much just kept it to myself and tried to act like I knew what was going on.

Before the topic gets too heated I want to share that even Christians have sinful thoughts.  It is a part of the curse that Adam and Eve brought on to us all.  We live in a fallen world, and it will be this way until Jesus returns.  My mind was so warped with thoughts.  I tried my hardest to focus on the good things and not just on girls.  I am glad I grew up in church.  It helped me be afraid for a long time when it came to stuff like this.  Although I do have to say that the church I grew up in did a poor job of teaching about sex and how it is from God and it is to be between a man and a woman who are married to each other.   I wish that they could of had a special class or something to help both the boys and girls understand this and that it would not be such a hush-hush subject.

Moving on.  I did the same things most boys did.  I remember riding my bike everywhere.  I enjoyed being out with my friends.  I tried chewing tobacco, yuck.  Threw mud on some peoples houses.  Threw corn on people and their cars(also known as "corning"), which is now illegal.  It may have been illegal then too but I didn't know it was so terrible.  OK.  I apologize to everyone I ever corned.  Please forgive me.  Well, I guess I was a little mischievous.  Boy I knew how to fake my parents though.  Hey they were older and didn't seem to catch on. 

So, my brother was 2 years younger than me and I had to take him with me everywhere I went.  That was rough.  Most of the time he caused trouble with my friends and then their parents would say that he couldn't come back.  Sounded OK to me but then my dad would tell me that if he couldn't go then I couldn't either.  Like that's fair.  Actually that is what I used to say.  "Like that's fair!"  I must of sounded like a baby!!  Sometimes my brother would actually be good and things went alright.  Then he would even become their friend and I would become less of one.  Weird, it's like I had to be my brother's personal friend finder!! 

Once I went to high school I didn't really hang out with the same friends and my brother didn't have to follow me around as much.  I wonder if he was sent to keep me out of trouble?  I tried out for a few school sports but didn't really play much.  I played football in eighth grade and soccer my senior year.  I tried out for basketball my sophomore year, and everyone was glad due to my height, but didn't even make the first cut!  I was a little glad.  I didn't really like basketball and often didn't care to shoot hoops with my friends. 

Our church had a boys program called Royal Rangers.  It is a lot like the Boy Scouts, but is more Jesus centered.  After my dad died, I started to lean toward Rangers more and away from Scouts.  I regret it now.  I was just a few merit badges and a service project from becoming an Eagle Scout, at age 16 that was pretty impressive.  This is one of the things in life I would have done different if given a chance.  I think most of my reasons for dropping out of Scouts was that my dad passed away and I didn't have a male influence to keep me going the way my dad did. 

Another factor was that our troop was going through a lot of changes.  The biggest change to me was our scoutmaster was retiring from his position which meant someone else would take over.  His son had just received his Eagle a few years before and was already moving on in life and going to college.  It upset me to loose such a great scoutmaster, all the boys felt this loss but it was especially hard to me.  I was one of the last boys to have known him since being in cub scouts.  Most of the other boys either joined our troop by merging from another troop or were already boy scout age when they joined.  The older ones who had known him through cub scouts like I did were also moving on in life. 

After he left the troop the assistant took over.  He was another great leader, but he wasn't always able to make it due to work.  So, we had to get new leaders.  Our troop going through a leadership change also caused us to go through an even bigger change.  We somehow had to change locations of where we were meeting and this meant a charter change.  To simplify this let me explain:  We met at a church where our scoutmaster was a member.  When he retired, he was no longer our leader.  No one else in our troop were members of the church where we met, so we couldn't keep our charter.  I don't want to blame the church for dropping us, but they could of kept us even if we didn't attend there.

This change of charter and new meeting area, not to mention new scoutmasters, was a lot for a 16 year old boy who lost his father to have to deal with.  I gave up.  The troop number even had to change, which I really hated more than anything.  It was almost like I had to change my name.  So, I took on a new number, gained some new leaders and worst of all had to introduce myself to boys, I mean children, who were barely old enough to be in scouts and made me feel like I was babysitting a bunch of brats!!  No offense to THAT troop, but it wasn't MY troop!

Unfortunately I ended up quiting Boy Scouts, but then I adjusted and started to focus more on the Royal Rangers.  Having all the prior scouting experience I was the number one candidate for youth leadership.  I took on the challenge of being the best leader I could be.  I was the oldest in the outpost-Ranger name for troop-and had also gone to church there the longest.  Rangers gave me a place to stand out and be noticed.  That is exactly what happened too.  I went through the ranks very quickly and soon I became responsible for part of the outpost as a commanding officer.  The Rangers didn't go on as many camping trips, but we were the same guys who were involved in our church youth group so we still had other opportunities of getting out.

I was later appointed to become the Senior Commander of our outpost.  This is the highest level of leadership.  The only I had to answer to was the Pastor of the church.  I guess you could say that this was a ministry I held in the church.  WOW, I think I just realized that just now.  I did have help, I wasn't alone.  There were other men who helped me.  I had at least two others with me every time we met.  The funny thing about this is both of them were older than me by at least 15 years!!  I was only 20 or 21.  My biggest help came from one of the leaders and the youth pastor, who was the pastor's son.  They were both good men. 

My days in both Boy Scouts and Royal Rangers were very good overall.  I faced many challenges and overcame difficult obstacles.  I believe they both impacted my life in ways that helped me become who I am today.  I have been blessed by the things I have been given.  The only thing I lacked would have been a backbone and self-confidence.  You would think that I had these, but what pushed me  more was pride than anything.  I liked the attention and being the center of it at times.  So, I guess you could say that the confidence I had was actually the stuff other people but into me, their own trust.

I have remained a trustworthy person and will continue to be one.  It's just different now.  People who knew me then may not have seen what was on the inside.  The good news is I am older and now have the things I lacked then and I believe my pride is almost vanished.  So, if anyone from my past would meet me, I may look the same, but this time it is true.  I have been graciously hidden from my personal failures and have been given a respectful remembrance of my youth.

I want to conclude this series of "Growing up", but the growing never stops.  I continue to learn, fail, succeed and lose.  But, I will never give up on what God has in store for me.  I believe there is much more to know, less to forget and greater things to see.  I will remain.  I am not here for sorrow, sadness and pain. I am here for joy, strength and hope.  Remember what Jesus said in John 16:33 "I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."  We can rest in the peace Jesus gives to help us with whatever life brings.